Sex Ed in a Christian Home--Too Much Romance?

Welcome to our ongoing series about sexuality and relationships! This is a guest post from my dear friend, Pío.  Pearl in Oyster is blessed to be the wife of a wonderful husband and the mother of a delightful three year old girl.  She lives in rural Central California and  blogs about the intersection between faith, motherhood and gentle discipline at gracefuldiscipline.blogspot.com.  

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Like many young girls, I was a little bit boy crazy in junior high, high school and even college. I seemed to more readily befriend boys than girls, and so I constantly had an eye out to see if any of my guy friends were showing signs that they had a secret crush on me.

I knew all about secret crushes, you see. I’d often heard the story of my parents who were friends for three years when they suddenly realized they were in love, got engaged weeks later and were married in a matter of months.

In elementary school, if a boy teased me or gave me any sort of hard time at all, my mom would attribute it to that boy having a secret crush on me and not knowing any better way to get my attention.

Too, Mom would joke around with us kids about which classmate we’d grow up to marry. When I’d share one of my crushes with her, she’d encourage and participate in speculating and fantasizing what a future with whoever it may be would be like.

Image credit norika21 on Flickr

One of my favorite books and movies has long been Anne of Green Gables, and Gilbert Blythe’s long-standing torch for Anne strengthened my belief in the mythos of the secret crush and my longing that something so romantic would happen to me.

As I said, I was constantly on the lookout for signs that romance was about to bloom. Inevitably, I developed a few secret crushes of my own in the process. I internalized the message that romance, marriage and having a family were the primary goals of living, and without them life was less worthwhile and worse, that without them *I* was less worthwhile.

I dreamt and longed and yearned for my first kiss, and then after it happened at a party the night I graduated from eighth grade, continued to dream and long and yearn for the first kiss of the next new relationship, the next first date, the next “real” relationship. Whenever I was serious with someone, then I dreamt and longed and yearned to get engaged, plan a wedding, and so on. I was too busy dreaming and longing and yearning to notice if the fellow I was with was even right for me most of the time. As a result most of my relationships were with guys that were poor matches for me for one reason or another.

The message that romance is waiting to bloom around every corner and that life is less worth living without “that special someone” didn’t just come from my mom or from my obsession with Anne of Green Gables.

Romance novels, teen magazines, women’s magazines, movies (especially romantic comedies) all carry the message, and it’s fairly pervasive in TV sitcoms and dramas as well.

Romance novels and romantic comedies have been called “porn for women.” It’s not just because some of the scenes can get steamy, but because of the unrealistic expectations they set up. Just as all bodies are perfect or airbrushed and exaggerated in proportion in a girlie magazine, all life is unrealistically centered on romance in those entertainments. The souls and emotions of the people portrayed in the pages and on the screen are no more real than the bodies enhanced with silicone, makeup, lighting and digital wizardry in a pornographic image or film.

These are not the messages I want my daughter to grow up with.

Not only does it objectify the male gender as a means to fulfilling romantic dreams, but for me at least, it resulted in a limited understanding of my own value as a human being, and a reduced ability to trust God with my romantic future.

My self-worth became tied to a shifting set of romantic ideals, from whether or not a boy expressed romantic interest in me, to whether or not I was in a relationship; to how long that relationship lasted, to how serious that relationship was. The bottom line was that the closer to the ultimate goal of marriage and babies I seemed to be, the happier and more worthwhile I felt.

I had no sense of waiting on God’s timing for the right person to come along. In my mind, it was up to me to be attractive, to flirt, to be on the lookout for the “special someone” to come along.

In college, this sense of desperation made me an easy target for an emotionally abusive man, and made it more difficult to extract myself from the relationship once his true nature became clear. It made me more willing to experiment with physical intimacy and less able to maintain boundaries in the face of so called “romance.”

So what does this mean for Sexual Education in a Christian Home?

There’s not a simple formula answer. Certainly it’s a complex set of interactions between society and parenting, psychology and spirituality.

However, I can start by being conscious of the way I talk to my daughter about romantic relationships, not just when she is a teenager, but throughout her life. I especially want to guard against the temptation to do any fortune-telling of my own about any male friends she may have.

How can I actively fight the messages society sends that a person’s worth is tied to their “success” in romance?

Certainly I want my daughter to view motherhood and marriage as important and valuable, so downplaying the importance of those parts of life isn’t the whole answer.

I think the solution boils down to where she draws her value from and what she puts her trust in. I want her to feel loved for who she is at every stage of her life. I want her to be able to rest in God’s timing and trust His plan for her life.

I hope that attachment parenting and gentle discipline have given us a good start toward those goals. As I responsively met her needs as an infant, I taught her to trust and feel loved. As I gently discipline her with grace, I hopefully reflect God’s character. I can’t live her life for her, but I can set her up for success as much as possible with the spoken and implied messages I give her.

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This is part of a series about how we teach our children about sexuality.  As parents, we have an incredible responsibility.  We need to give our children accurate, age-appropriate information, not only on the physical aspects of sexuality, but also on the emotional and spiritual ramifications.  I hope you will join us in this discussion with your comments, links, ideas and stories.  For the entire series, click here.

Sex Ed in a Christian Home--In which I am grateful for Dobson

Image credit Leo Reynolds on Flickr

This post was difficult to write.  I considered many approaches: impersonal, personal, detailed, vague.  I considered not writing it at all!  But I think that one of the biggest problems with the way the Church has dealt with sexuality is that we haven't talked openly enough about it.  It is much more comfortable to just avoid it.   

I also believe that in the zeal for sexual purity, Christians have actually defiled our sexuality more than we have protected and honored it.  We have rightly said that feeling good doesn't make it right.  But we have gone beyond that and said that feeling good makes it wrong, and that is a lie that distorts the sacredness of sex.

For many children, the first tainting of their view of their bodies and sexuality occurs with self-exploration.  The baby reaches down during a diaper change or bath, and instantly his hand is moved away with a show of embarrassment or shame, perhaps even anger or disgust.  A toddler or preschooler who begins to touch herself and explore her own body is shamed even more.  A huge number of parents flat out lie in their efforts to scare children away from touching themselves.  And the message that gives is that the child is so horribly evil that the parents must resort to sin themselves in order to stop their wickedness.  Do we seriously think that that is of God?

I was a precocious child.  One day when I was about three, I was wriggling around on the floor and noticed, "Hey!  That felt good!"  It took a little while to figure out how to recreate that feeling, but I did.  Later, I found that rubbing against the arm of the couch in my grandmother's home was convenient and pleasurable.  What I didn't understand was the horror and shame that provoked from any grown ups in the vicinity.  It was obviously something very, very bad.  I just didn't understand why.

In spite of my mother's very evident distress, I persisted.  It felt too good to stop.  I could vaguely understand a need for privacy as I got older, but that wasn't enough--the fact that I was doing it at all grew to be a terrible weight of shame and guilt for me. 

My mom was aware of it, and would occasionally refer in pained, shame-filled half-whispers to "my Habit".  I asked her why it was so bad, and could tell that she was having a hard time with the answer.  She told me that when she used to work in an orphanage that most of the children there did it, and that the director didn't seem to think it was so terrible.  Yet, she still made it clear that it was very, very bad.  I sensed that she was caught between unformed convictions and the church culture that labeled it a horrific sin.  She was never harsh, and I don't think that she ever punished me at all for it, yet the fact that it seemed so troubling to her made me feel as guilty as if she had.

When I was baptized at 8 years old, I made a list of sins that I wanted to be dead and buried forever in my life.  That was at the top of the list (above fighting with my sister, disrespect, and not reading my Bible/praying enough).  For a few weeks I was fine.  Then I slipped again.  I was crushed.  And that became a pattern for several years. 

Although my mom was wonderful with teaching me about sexuality in general, and in giving me a positive view of sex, I don't recall her ever mentioning the topic of masturbation in connection with sex, or even the "m word" at all.  All I remember is that she thought it was sinful, and that I absorbed all the shame and guilt possible from that.  It wasn't until I was nearly an adult when I read of it that I realized that that is what it was.

Then I started looking at the Bible.  I couldn't find any reference to it whatsoever.  I studied some Christian authors, but they only made vague references to Onan, which didn't seem at all applicable to me, since there were no inheritance issues at stake.  Most of them assumed that porn and sexual fantasies were involved, which there weren't.  I wasn't looking at or even imagining anything.  It was just a feel-good, physical stress release.

The only Christian author who didn't seem to think I was going to burn in Hell was, of all people, Dobson!  I was shocked.  What's more, he didn't imply that I was a sexual deviant or even a freakily unnatural girl.  He seemed to believe that it was no big deal!  I was stunned, but gasping with thankfulness and relief that maybe, just maybe, I wasn't guilty of a terrible sin.  

I applaud his reasonableness and courage in going against the prevailing message of fear and shame that many parents still buy into.  Sadly, Dobson was shredded by his brothers and sisters in Christ for his views.  I have read webpages that demonize him, and when I checked Focus on the Family, it seemed that he had modified his comments to say that it wasn't good and that anyone who did it should stop, but he is still far less condemning than most other Christian writers.

I have shared before our approach to sexuality with our children.  We value sexual purity.  And I have come to believe that an important part of sexual purity encompasses viewing our bodies and God-given feelings and desires as good, and not tainting His design with shame and guilt over un-Biblical standards that are mere traditions made of men.

I have heard cautions, of course, about porn and lust.  That one can become so accustomed to self-stimulation as to be unable to respond to a partner.   Those were never the case for me, and although I recognize that they might be for some, I am not afraid of those outcomes without outside factors. 

I have a suspicion that, much like an extreme focus on modesty often results in objectifying women more than would have been the case otherwise, a shame-based approach to sexuality is more likely to provoke lust.  Perhaps in some cases, the perception that it is sinful causes some kids to assume that since it is so bad already, pornography is just the next logical step.  I don't know. 

As a Christian, when the Bible doesn't address something directly, I believe we should look to the larger message.  I think that it is clear that lust is wrong.  I don't believe masturbation always involves lust, though.  And if/when it doesn't, I can't see what the problem is.

So when the topic comes up with my kids, I tell them that God made our bodies in a wonderful way, and agree that it does feel good.  I also tell them that it is a private thing that it not to be shared with other people.  Our bodies are special.  All parts of them.  And they were made to be enjoyed, by our spouse, sure, but also by us.

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This is part of a series about how we teach our children about sexuality.  As parents, we have an incredible responsibility.  We need to give our children accurate, age-appropriate information, not only on the physical aspects of sexuality, but also on the emotional and spiritual ramifications.  I hope you will join us in this discussion with your comments, links, ideas and stories.  For the entire series, click here.

 

Sex Ed in a Christian Home--Silent Talk

Image credit Leo Reynolds on Flickr

From the very first moments of life, we begin teaching our children life-long lessons about their sexuality.  Some of the most profound messages we will ever give them take place without a word.

When we gently caress their silky skin, smooch that little spot on the side of their necks that always makes them giggle,  when we play patty cake--every time we demonstrate appropriate, loving touches, we are teaching them that their bodies are wonderful.  They learn from snuggles and being held that they are loveable.

When we teach them the names of all their body parts, we show them that their bodies are special.  I believe that it is important for them to learn correct names from the beginning.  I have heard the argument that we use non-clinical names for tummy and so on.  That is true, but it is also a pretty standard term used and understood by everyone, regardless of age.  Most cutesy names for genitals are not.  Aside from the important matter of accuracy, it conveys a great deal about our acceptance of them and of talking about sexuality.  If we teach them that there is something shameful or embarrassing in the very name vulva or penis, they will internalize that.  If we make it obvious that we don't want to talk about it, eventually they will stop talking to us and talk to someone else.   

We teach our children about gender stereotypes from our first observations.  Do our girls hear that they are strong and powerful?  Do our boys learn that we value tenderness and sensitivity?  Our society is so proficient at marketing gender roles that by age three, most girls and boys know that pink is a girl color, and blue is for boys, that girls are princesses (passive and prissy) and boys are tough and active.  As toddlers, my little girl loved blue and Spiderman, and my son loved dolls and sparkly clothes.  Within just a couple of years, though, they were telling each other that blue was for boys and dolls are for girls. I believe that colors are gender-neutral, and that both sons and daughters grow up to be parents.  But we must speak up if we don't want our children to think there is something wrong with them.

We teach our children about body image through our own.  Do they hear us putting ourselves down and criticizing our own bodies?  Do we point out our flaws or gripe about our weight?  Do they hear us make comments about other people and laugh at their appearance?  Each word nails in deeper the truth about our values, and what their own bodies are worth.

We also teach them about sexuality when they first begin to say no.  Comments like, "Give grandma a kiss or she'll be sad!" teach them to ignore their own body boundaries and give feigned affection to placate adults.  Acknowledging and respecting their right to say no to unwanted touches is vital.  It may mean intervening when relatives or friends try to bully them with unwanted hugs, kisses or tickles.  The message we send about their right to say no is far more important than a miffed adult. 

On a related note, it is important to reconsider the popular stance that in any dispute between a child and an adult, the parent is supposed to side with the adult, particularly if that adult is in a position of authority.  Our society makes it clear that grown ups are supposed to be a united front, and that children are supposed to obey adults.  Predators capitalize on this.  Children who internalize those messages may not even bother to tell about sexual abuse, assuming that the adult was right and that they (the child) are to blame, or that they wouldn't be believed, anyway.

What they witness in our marriage matters, too.  They learn how to treat others and how they should be treated based on what they see.  We teach them about gender roles.  We teach them what affectionate touch looks like.  What friendship with a spouse means.  What healthy boundaries are.  How to have healthy and respectful disagreements.  I think most of us are works in progress in this area, but I would encourage you that if you are concerned about what they see, work on changing the relationship, not at doing a better job of hiding the problems. 

Before our children ever hear about the mechanics of sex, they are picking up all kinds of messages from us about the value and worth of their bodies, about the extent of their control over their bodies, and about what it means to be male or female, and what relationships should be.  We need to be conscious about the silent talk that we are giving them, because our actions do speak much louder than words.

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This is part of a series about how we teach our children about sexuality.  As parents, we have an incredible responsibility.  We need to give our children accurate, age-appropriate information, not only on the physical aspects of sexuality, but also on the emotional and spiritual ramifications.  I hope you will join us in this discussion with your comments, links, ideas and stories.  For the entire series, click here.

Sex Ed in a Christian Home--Starting the Talk

Image credit Leo Reynolds on Flickr

I am in awe of the imagination of God.  Our bodies are amazing.  Sex is amazing.  I want my children to value the sacredness, the beauty, the hilarity and delight of their sexuality.  Yet so often in Christian circles, the only message given to our children is, "Don't!"  I think that makes a shame-filled, hollow mockery of the purity that we claim to pursue.

We bemoan the cheap and tawdry ubiquity of sexual images and references in our culture, but if we don't provide an intentional, alternative message to our kids, then that is the default they are left with.  I don't want my children's perception of sexuality to be formed by Bratz dolls, Toddlers and Tiaras, or even their peers.  Nor do I want it formed by misogynistic, pseudo-Victorian beliefs that have been shrouded in religious trappings.  I have to speak up if I want them to hear my message.

One of the problems with waiting to have The Talk at puberty is that there is simply way too much to discuss.  For many, it winds up being an awkward summary of the mechanics and a warning against pregnancy and STDs.  Whether from embarrassment or ignorance or lack of thought, there are all kinds of issues regarding sexuality that never make it into discussions in many homes.  Things like gender roles and expectations.  Masturbation.  Emotional and spiritual aspects of sex.  Porn and sexual addictions.  Questioning sexual orientation.  Modesty and sexual purity beyond guilt-mongering.

It doesn't fit into a single Talk--it must be an ongoing conversation.  I don't have all the answers, by any means.  But my children and I talk all the time.  And it is good.  I can see the foundation that they have already about their bodies, about their rights to control their bodies and say no (and eventually, yes), their comfort with discussing sex, relationships,and everything else. 

I am incredibly blessed by all the wise and loving family, friends and fellow parents who speak into my life.  They have helped me and given me ideas, information, and encouragement on this topic, and I am privileged to be able to share their voices with you.  This is going to be an ongoing series on topics associated with sexuality and parenting.  I have several guest posts lined up, and a bunch in the works.  Your questions, comments, suggestions, stories, links and ideas are very, very much appreciated!  I am approaching this as a Christian, but this discussion is not intended to be exclusive.  Please feel free to share regardless of your religious beliefs.  I do ask that everyone please keep your comments courteous and respectful.  I am looking forward to starting the talk with you!

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This is part of a series about how we teach our children about sexuality.  As parents, we have an incredible responsibility.  We need to give our children accurate, age-appropriate information, not only on the physical aspects of sexuality, but also on the emotional and spiritual ramifications.  I hope you will join us in this discussion with your comments, links, ideas and stories.  For the entire series, click here.

It's Not Just About Spanking

Image credit Ed Yourdon on Flickr

"I just don't know what to do.  I don't want to hit her, but how else can I control her?"

"Well, I have found loss of privilege to be effective.  If she doesn't do what you want, start taking away things that matter to her.  Cut off any spending money, time on the computer, going out with friends.  Or you can always do a time-out."

"I tried that, but she gets so worked up.  You should have seen her tantrum the other day!  She came home from work and had a meltdown for no reason.  She wanted me to help clean the house or something, and when I said no, she flipped."

"Yeah, my wife does that, too.  The important thing is to never give in.  Stay strong and refuse to pay any attention.  Eventually, she'll stop."

"You're right.  I can't let her win, or she will just learn that she can get what she wants any time she cries.  I just feel like she doesn't respect me."

"That is awful.  Do you think her friends are a bad influence?"

"Yeah, I should probably limit her time with them.  Our marriage was so much easier before."

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Even when we choose not to spank, it can be incredibly difficult to get out of the punitive mindset.  I know that a parent-child relationship has some differences from a marriage, but I still think that it is ludicrous to suppose that domineering, adversarial thinking is healthy for *any* relationship.  Looking to other forms of punishment such as time-out, etc., perpetuates the same dynamic as spanking, even if it is physically more gentle.  It is very difficult to change, though.  It is so deeply ingrained in our culture that we rarely notice the contradictions or absurdity of the way we relate to children.

Striking a child is a tangible act.  Emotional punishments are much more subtle.  Yet can we really suppose that deliberately hurting our child emotionally is benign?  How many adults still struggle with the shaming messages that they heard as children?  If we shun and isolate our children for expressing big emotions, can we logically expect them to confide in us as they grow older?  If we are constantly suspicious of negative intentions on their part, when will they realize that we are going to believe the worst anyway and stop trying to please us?  If we treat them as nuisances, how are they to know they are worth any more than that?  If we still try to manipulate them through rewards and punishments, does it erode intrinsic motivation any less simply because the punishment isn't physical?

One of the glaring problems in the dialogue at the beginning of the post was the focus of the relationship: control.  Control should never be the focus of a loving relationship.  "But I am the parent!  I have to control my child!"  Certainly, you have a responsibility to keep your child and others safe.  But if your are trying to control their emotions, thoughts and beliefs, or emphasizing control rather than connection, your attempts are misguided and will ultimately hurt you both, because you are violating healthy boundaries.  Instead, you need to respectfully give them tools which they can use to express themselves in healthy ways, and set your mind and heart on loving them.

But the Bible says that children should obey their parents!  Yes, it does.  That is talking to the children, not to the parents.  It does not say that parents should force children to obey.  In Hebrew, obedience means that one has fully heard, understood from the heart and chosen to obey.  Crystal Lutton has some great resources on this.  True obedience is like respect--something that is freely granted, not demanded or coerced.

I get that there are times (rarely) where we may have to require compliance when obedience isn't granted.  In those cases, we can make it as respectful as possible.  Think of how you would treat an honored guest in that position.  Maintain emotional boundaries--that means control your own emotions, not theirs.  Give them as much dignity as you can.  (You are much more likely to retain your own dignity that way!).

The truth is that every argument against spanking applies just as well to other forms of punishment.  We must renew our minds.  Jesus warned that putting new wine into old wineskins doesn't work out well.  Once we taste the new wine of grace based discipline, if we try to put it into our old paradigms of punishment and control, we are just asking for explosions.

Grace is about a whole new outlook.  It means treating my children the way I would want to be treated if I were them in that situation.  It means forgiveness, compassion and connection.  It means assigning positive intent.  It means that I don't have to be the bad guy, because we are not enemies.  It means finding ways to work together so that everyone's needs are met, and all healthy boundaries are honored.  It isn't just about spanking or not spanking--it is about growing together in respect and love.

Starry Night

Image credit noahg on Flickr

I mentioned at the beginning of the summer that I wanted to be open to new adventures.  I read about Blessed Mama's camping trip with a bit of envy and it sparked the thought that it might be fun for our kidlets to sleep out under the stars.  We don't have a tent, or even sleeping bags, though, so I regretfully tried to squash the impulse.  Until we went outside in the gorgeous twilight, and the kids didn't want to come in.  I told myself that we would probably make it back inside the house before midnight, and to just go with the adventure.

The kids were shocked and delighted when I started grabbing blankets and taking them outside.  We settled into our spots, except for Elena, who kept popping up like a Jack-in-the-box and dancing around.  The second time that she woke the baby I got really grouchy, but eventually recovered and apologized. Before long, both little ones were sleeping and the older two were happily counting stars.

We watched the rabbit in the moon, picked out a couple of constellations, then listened to the buzz and chirp of the local nightlife and scanned the heavens for falling stars.  All the kidlets were sound asleep before ten thirty.  I, on the other hand, found myself wondering if any creepy crawlies might decide to join us in the blankets.  Sleeping right on the ground suddenly seemed like a not so great idea.  I also discovered that despite plenty of natural padding, my bones on the ground were not particularly comfortable.  The neighbor's dog began to bark and a mosquito whined in my ear.  I probably would have gone back inside, but I didn't want to wake the kidlets.

Then I began to notice the sweet smells of the grass.  To really look at the sparkling diamonds strewn across heaven's floor.  The chirp and hum of the insects began to sound relaxing (it helped that the mosquito left without dinner).  I grabbed an extra pillow and positioned it under my hip and fell asleep.

Of course, we woke a few times.  The babies actually slept amazingly well--they didn't wake up any more than usual.  Around 2:00, the dew was noticeable, and I slipped inside for additional blankets.  The kidlets snuggled closer like a pile of little puppies, but we were dry and warm underneath the blankets.

Around 5:30, Ariana woke up and we snuggled and whispered together about dew and falling stars and planets, theology and astronomy and Oz.  It grew light a little after 7:00, and as the sweetlings woke up, I brought them hot chocolate.  The light in their eyes was brighter than the sun as they realized that they had stayed out the whole night.  :)  We cuddled and giggled, and they said it was the best night ever.  <3

I am so glad that I yielded to the impulse and said yes!

Love Songs

"...the morning stars sang together, and all the children of God shouted for joy..." Job 37:8

Do you sing love songs?  I sing over my babies.  Each time I got pregnant, before ever getting a positive test, I woke up in the night singing a praise song for the baby inside of me.  Although I don't consider myself much of a singer (I can usually get about three notes in any given key, and the rest are too high or too low), there is something about a newborn that begs for a tender, joy-filled, love-bursting lullaby.  Each of my babies has a little song that welled up inside me right after they were born.  I still sing them to them, even to my seven year old, and get all teary-eyed listening to my five year old come up with his own little love song to his baby sister (it almost always makes her stop crying).

In my last post, I mentioned that God sings over us.  I still am filled with wonder over that.  I picture Him cradling me in His arms, filled with the same overwhelming love that I have holding my little ones, and it takes my breath away that He could love me like that.  Not resigned tolerance.  Not impatience or disappointment.  Joy.  Delight.  Contentment.

That is what He sings over us.  Promise.  Hope.  Laughter.  Security.  Love.

That is what I want to sing over the people in my life.

Something in our culture seems to encourage us to screech or croak discord.  Shortly after Carlos and I were married, we started hanging out with some other young couples.  We gradually stopped, because I always came away feeling uncomfortable. The wives did nothing but complain and gripe about their husbands.  I have heard a lot of parents do that with their kids. They use words for their families that sound as if they are enemies--war marches instead of love songs.

I get the need to vent at times.  Really.  And I do it--sometimes here, sometimes to my friends, always to God.  Sometimes I struggle with the balance between authenticity and choosing to speak Truth and blessings over others.  But when I dig really deep, I almost always find that the things that I complain about are not the real issue at all.  They are just signals to look beyond the surface, to check my boundaries, and to practice love.  Love does not look like excusing or ignoring boundary violations.  It isn't a sticky, sugary passivity in the face of wrong, even if (especially if) the wrong is being done by someone I love dearly.  Sometimes it means confrontation, and holding tight to boundaries meant to protect myself and others.

Living right in the middle of Name It and Claim It headquarters (or Blab It and Grab It theology), I have heard some ridiculous (not to mention greedy) things.  I don't want to get all weird, yet I also believe very strongly that there is an element of prophecy in what we sing over others.  When Mary sang over Jesus, when Miriam and Deborah sang over God's deliverance of their people, when Hannah sang over Samuel--there was a power singing through them that went beyond nice words and a melody.  We become Namers when we sing over others. 

“The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice." ~ Peggy O'Mara

I still feel sad when I remember hearing a perfectly nuanced sigh that sounded identical to mine coming from my daughter over a childish mishap.  I don't want the inner voice in my family to be of sighs, exasperation or criticism.  I want them to hear me singing love songs over them, joining in the chorus with the God who sings for joy over us.

Image credit: Image Editor on Flickr